Wandered many a weary foot

I admit it, I am behind. I have been working on this post for like six weeks and it is finally here!

Bet you're excited.

It's the end of an era. I mean a year. Here's a little questionnaire someone forwarded to me to celebrate 2010. I skipped the questions that bored me. You are welcome to do the same as you read.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? Went to a counsellor. Planned a wedding. Went totally nuts. Lost faith. Gained faith. Stayed home. Jumped forty feet out of a window.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Not a single one, and no, I won't. I'm over resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not really... wait.... nope but several people I know but am not close to did. Oh and my blogging friend Page just had a baby girl yesterday (so technically not 2010) after two little boys.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Scatter the fish, my uncle Harry. Both missed in equal measure.

5. What countries did you visit? Just the one. The one I live in. First year not going abroad for ages.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? A bit more self confidence. A bit more optimism. Self-mastery. Fajitas.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? February 13th - the day of the fire. February 14th - the day I realised that we were all amazing. The mid point of May - when I lost myself. The mid point of August - when I realised I was done being lost and started to find myself. And 19th December - amazing tea and amazing other things.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? God it it turning into fire central but I suppose that not
many people get to jump that far that often. Learning (and re-learning) to love my life. And perfecting the art of pie making - thanks Nana! x

9. What was your biggest failure? Well... just failing over the summer. It was yucky and bleak for a lot of time. Other than that, I didn't fail at anything, even my rookie steak stroganoff.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Some lower back crap that took an age to go and some dark head places. Oh and I burned my thumb (damn you spaghetti!) and had the flu.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I don't know. Nothing jumps out at me. I do know that I bought way too much though which given that I can't remember much of it can only mean badness....

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? My girls' - every single one of them. My brothers' - all of their many and numerous achievements make me swell with pride; they rock. And, if I had more smarts or more memory then I am sure there would be some public figures I could mention. But I don't!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? So, so many people. I had to learn not to appall so easily. The biggest though? The press generally. Specifically The Daily Mail.

14. Where did most of your money go? Into our bellies and on our wedding.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My birthday. Christmas. Election Day. The new Harry Potter with my sister's name in the credits.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Dynamite - Taio Cruz, isn't that awful?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? (a) Same. (b) Same - but definitely more toned.... (c) Same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Eating, working out, sex, spending time with friends, spending time with family.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Eating. Stressing. Crying. Not liking me.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Eating yummy food with yummier familiy.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? Many, many times.

22. What was your favourite TV programme? Any of my 'Merries' - Merry Model, Merry Idol, Merry Talent. Oh, and Question Time.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I'm trying really hard not to hate anyone. But sure.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? The shuffle feature on my Ipod...

25. What did you want and get? Everything and nothing. And the things I didn't get, I probably didn't really want. I'm a bit fairweather like that.

26. What did you want and not get? Fajitas!

27. What was your favorite film of this year? My sister's Harry Potter.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I woke up, felt sad, had cake, went to a old car show, went home, argued with Steve, went out for tea. I was 26.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A little emotional stability, but that is done now. And hey, I survived the year, I did good!

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Lacking.

31. What kept you sane? Knowing that things will be fine because they have to be and white wine.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? The Will. The Brad. The David. 2010 was the year of old school.

33. What political issue stirred you the most? Goes without saying.

34. Who did you miss? Myself and my friends.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010: Nah.

Gander

Remember this? Well, they're back and they have brought a friend Mr Goose.

Seriously all night, HONK, HONK, HONK - tis beyond ridiculous. And you know what, I could let the ducks get away with it, they are cute and taste amazingly good in pancakes but a goose?

Not a fan.

I mean, to start with, they are evil. Everyone knows this. They have weird stretchy necks and beady little eyes. They can move incredibly quickly and have the most aggressive voice in the world. Plus one once tried to kill my sister. True story, they tried to drag her buggy into a pond until my mother kicked it (that sounds absolutely cruel but before calling the RSPCA, my sister wasn't even one year old and a goose was snapping at her ankles).

Wait, now I think of it, it may have been a swan with my sister....

Hmmm....

Just a note, I am guessing it is classed as 'completely and utterly tragic' when your dream consists of running through, in order, Disc 1 of Season Three of 'How I Met Your Mother'?

Yep. Thought so.

It is weird

A few years ago I read an article in a trashy magazine (a secret indulgence - honestly, perfect for making you feel better about yourself, eg. I feel stupid today.... but at least my husband didn't run off with my sister's son!), anyway, this article was about a woman who got antenatal depression. Yes, depression while pregnant.

Now, of course, I had heard of postnatal depression, but never antenatal.

Similarly, I have heard of the post wedding blues - which I have just named postmatrimonial depression. I mean, everyone I have spoken to got them a little bit; the fact it is all over, the fact you aren't planning for it any more etc...

Of course, being the crazy person that I am, it was only natural that I buck the trend.

Yes my loves, I have diagnosed myself with antematrimonial depression.

I am now at five weeks and two days to go and I am miserable.

Everything is busy and needs doing and while I usually thrive under pressure (indeed it is a pretty major part of my job), now I am floundering.

Part of it is the demand of it all and part of it is that I am anticipating the sadness to come.

I mean, I am planning on doing this once (take note Steve - no hoochies!), and in five weeks and two days, all that excitement of a proposal and an engagement and planning this brilliant, wonderful day will be gone.

And that is kind of sad.

I have enjoyed this time, this special, me and Steve time. And yes, I'll admit it, I have enjoyed the positive attention, the only time I have had this much thrust upon me was after the fire and that was just a hideous thing, not excited attention, just poor-you-how-awful-we-are-so-shocked-and-sad attention. Rubbish.

The up side is, of course, that I will be left with a (fingers crossed) amazing marriage, to a man I love and adore, and who loves and adores me back.

So that is what I am filling this sadness void with. That and wine. xxx

Today

I my keys made a scene at the post office.

Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, panicked that the wedding was only eight weeks away, I hit the internet to source all of those last bits and pieces, you know; signs, cake toppers, wedding tissues (yep, I spent double what I would on little packs of tissues just so that they would have mini bride and grooms on them.... did I mention that I may be going cuckoo-catchu?) etc...

Fast forward to last Monday and the massive box full of goodies finally arrived in my office*, eagerly I tore it open, ready to ooh and ah at all the lovelies.

Except.... my cake topper was wrong. I had received one that was, admittedly, similar but definitely not the one that Steve and I spent hours arguing over (someone better flipping comment on it on the day...).

So I called the store and, happily, they admitted their mistake and told me just to post it back to them and they would sort it out.

So how did my keys get involved? I'm getting there, I promise.

This morning, I popped the topper in an open envelope and popped that into a carrier and left my flat on my merry way to work. I locked my door and, hands full, decided just to drop my keys into the carrier and get them out later.

Around an hour ago, I decided to pack the envelope up.

I typed out my letter, printed it off, sealed the envelope and wandered off to the post office when, while weighing it, the nice Post Office Lady mentioned that whatever it was, was jangling and had I wrapped it securely?

Confused, I racked my brains - cake toppers don't jangle, do they?

It then suddenly dawned on me.

My keys were in the envelope.

Which is how I came to find myself ripping open a parcel on the floor of the Post Office with a queue of angry and grumbling customers behind me.

* just a note, the post guys at my work do not like me at the moment, I am receiving on average three parcels a day. And my office is on the sixth floor.

When I was little....

I was an interesting child, very talkative - in fact I said my first word at eight and a half months ('Otsat' - translation: 'What's that?') and my first sentence ('Aura naughty, Aura mack Livy' - translation: 'Laura naughty, Laura smacked Livy', yep, a complete tattle tale....) when I was 10 months old. I also walked around 9 months and refused to eat anything but Weetabix and McNuggets from the age of 11 months and 18 months.Wasn't I a delight?

As I got older and I gained a little sister, my interest in the world around me and my inquisitiveness only increased and, subsequently, I may have made my own conclusions on some things. I was reminded of this fact by a conversation I had over the weekend so decided to compile a list:

Things I thought were true as a child

* That the world was once black and white and only got painted later on, I asked my Nana this when I was three


* That people that died in films really did die and had been chosen because they were sad

* That writing cheques was a clever way of getting out of actually paying for things, as you could just give people a bit of paper instead of real money, I never understood why people ever accepted the paper - they must have been really stupid....

* That all cats were girls and that all dogs were boys

* That there were Boy Colours and Girl Colours and they were as follows:

• Boy Colours: blue, green, black, brown, grey
• Girl Colours: pink, yellow, red, orange, white

Purple could change gender

* That 'invaluable' meant that something had no value and was worth nothing at all. I often got confused as to why the Famous Five would have long and complex adventures looking for completely worthless treasure

* That cash points just gave you free money - I could never understand why my Dad never got the most he could each time

Choking my little sister - see, a delight!

What did you believe when you were little?

The wedding is getting to me

It is making me lose me mind. The blondisms are out of control.

On Monday night, Steve and I went to bed early and watched the first episode Glee on +1 (delightfully awesome by the way). Half way through some blonde baby child man sang 'Billionaire', now I have heard this song many a time, it is even on my ipod (thank you 12 year old brother for lending me Now 77) but something in the way this giant mouthed guy was singing it clicked in me and I suddenly realised that the lyric is 'I wanna be a millionaire, so fricking bad' not 'so fricking bear' as I had previously thought. I had always thought it strange, I mean, why a bear? But who was I to doubt Travy McCoy and that other guy who loves me just the way I am?

Steve laughed for precisely 11 minutes and 28 seconds.

Then tonight, we were ordering candy scoops on Amazon, logged into my account, I pressed the 'Purchase' button and up popped the lovely thank you screen.

I scrolled down, reading the message and suddenly I came to a little box. It was labelled 'Get yourself a little something' and underneath were pictures of Sex and the City 2, Sylvanian Meerkat babies, Sylvanian Elephant babies and a Sylvanian Fresian Cow baby.

I gasp. I shiver. I catch my breath.

Me: Steve! Look what it has suggested for me to buy myself.

Steve looks over.

Steve: Yes...

Me: (still giddy) They are all things I really, really, really want! Look! Look! What a clever computer! How does it know?

Steve: They are all on your Amazon wishlist baby.

My face falls.

Steve: (starting to laugh) Did you think it just conjured up the Sylvanian/Sex and the City combo out of thin air? Who would want all of those other than you?

Me: (small and quiet) Another super cool person.

Steve: Oh your little face... (laugh laugh laugh) the computer isn't that clever... (laugh laugh laugh)

He stopped laughing after about 10 minutes, then half an hour later...

Steve: Heee heee heee heee heee heee!

So, to show his remorse, he is going to buy me all the babies.

Aren't they cute?

Oh and yes, Sylvanian Family babies are super, super cool.

Happy New Year!!!

OK, so I'm a bit late. But I hope the first ten days of your new year were lovely. Mine have been and also busy. Turns out I get married in six weeks and five days - who knew?

So, after taking a nice bit of time over Christmas to not wedding plan (pure bliss I tell you), I am now back at full force. Every day parcels are arriving at work full of goodies like cake toppers, wedding tissues and fairy wings (for the little girls, not me, although I would totally rock them....). The Supers at my work aren't thrilled about this and, after carrying five 40cm mirror plates up to me on Friday, mentioned that we are not actually meant to get personal items delivered here. I nodded, smiled sweetly and said I would try to stop it happening.

There are eleven more parcels to arrive....

It is very bizarre to be this close to my wedding, sort of twilighty. I mean, it has been planned for so long and I have really enjoyed planning it so to be nearing the finish line is almost bittersweet.

I keep thinking of things that I would have loved to have done but can't as it is way too late. Like this dress:



From the delectable Candy Anthony

Personally, I have found the last few weeks of planning the worst. All the confirmations and finalities are dull. There is none of the fun of sourcing things and booking them, only the rubbishness of having a million calls from suppliers wanting to know what music to play during the meal, whether we need any high chairs or booster seats, what music we want playing as guest assemble,

Add to this the organisation of fittings for my dress, bridesmaid dresses and usher suits, hair trials, the fact that my florists flooded over Christmas ('It'll be fine Liv, I'll have the shop open again within a fortnight, don't panic'), two guests breaking up with their respective partners meaning that we have to find two new guests as we had to confirm final number with the venue two weeks ago and the fact that I, rather stupidly, insisted on making a speech myself (what the frick do I say?!), I am one busy lady!

My favourite thing ever though is the questions people ask you, now, most of them are well meaning but seriously I DON'T NEED TO KNOW!

We've had:

'You're aunty is setting off for the wedding at 12pm, is that ok?' - ummmm.... well, as you know it starts at 2pm so whenever she needs to set off for there is fine.

'We're thinking of coming to the wedding and then checking in to our hotel (entirely separate from the venue) after the meal, what do you think?' - I think that that is nice if that is what you want to do....

'I've bought a pink jacket for your wedding, it was sooooooo expensive, do you think you'll like it? I can probably change it if I have to' - I have no idea but we didn't have a dress code so whether I like it really doesn't matter.

And, the one I have been asked over 43 times now:

'So, February wedding, are we thinking of a Christmas 2011 baby?'

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS RANDOM WOMAN AT FRIEND'S PARTY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME, NOW PLEASE LET ME GET BACK TO MY QUESTIONABLE WINE!

And breathe! x