My new phone

Yep, Pinkie, who survived a 40 foot jump out of a window during this and many other adventures, is officially no more. She started turning off whenever it pleased her and then decided to make no sound meaning that all conversations I had over the phone were very one sided.

So enter the sexy new phone, the very lovely Samsung Galaxy S2. And she is sexy and sleek. And has a nice camera and a keypad that I can almost work.

So, in celebration, here is a picture of me taken on the camera, I am doing my very best 4 year old child smile.

For some reason it is sideways. I don't know why.

For my Steve

I'll apologise now.

This is a gushy lovey post.

I know, sick in the mouth time.

It is for Steve.

Steve is brilliant; he is intelligent and funny and handsome and kind. And he has embarked on something new. Last night he started a Foundation Degree in Business and Management on a part time basis and I cannot even explain to you how proud I am of him.

As I am sure you know, education is hard. It is time consuming and makes your brain ache. Taking on a two year degree programme in your spare time when working a 45 hour week = extremely hard.

It is not something I am sure I could do. It requires discipline, committment and enthusiasm. And, while I know that this means a few changes in our home life (namely the absence of both Tuesday and Thursday nights), I know that Steve is a bit of a hero for doing it.

It occured to me that, while Steve must be a pretty familiar character to you if you read this blog, there is a lot you don't know about him, including how we met, so I decided that I would treat you to our own little biog that was included on the back of our wedding order of the day:

Livy and Steve met at primary school.

He was in Year 3 and she was in Year 1.
Livy remembers him. Steve doesn't remember her.

One summer they met again, at a pub Livy worked at.
That night, England had just been knocked out of Euro 2004 so Steve was very drunk.
He doesn't remember this either.

They got along ok.
They flirted.
They texted.
They didn't go out.


One Christmas Livy came back from university and met Steve at the pub.
They shared a drink.
While at that pub Livy said she wanted to be more than friends.


Steve attempted to play it cool and nearly blew it.


That was six years, nine weeks and five days ago........

See? Schmaltz central. You can't say I didn't warn you!

Always a writer

I used to keep diaries. Every day from 1st January 1995, when I was 10, I wrote and wrote and wrote, pages and pages of thoughts and feelings and hopes and fears. A proper diary keeper.

Recently, when feeling a bit lost in myself, I decided to reread some of these diaries, starting with 1995 onwards. I suppose it was a sort of experiment, to see if I could revisit the old me and somehow make sense of the me now a bit.

I have just finished them.

My god... I was such a self indulgent, self centred little thing. Specifically the diaries between the ages of 14 and 19. Everything was a drama, everything a crisis.

Me, on the right, with my lovely friend Ash, aged 17. Don't ask about the hair or the costumes...

A boy not calling after two hours of meeting him?

DRAMA

My mum being cross at me because I didn't empty the bin?

DRAMA

My teacher yelling at me because they expected me to actually do homework?

MEGA DRAMA

It is all very stressful!

And, it has brought back a lot of memories, and given me a more realistic view of the events that really happened; the feelings I had at the time and the account of it in my diary seem to be very different things.

I was thinking that, perhaps, the reread would give me some inspiration for a new letter to my 17 year old self.

But alas no, I will stick with the original, although I may add a 'GET THE HELL OVER YOURSELF' on the end!

Be still my teeth

Last week I visited the dentist. I dislike going there intensely, not because I have ever really needed anything doing (barring the obligatory removal of a few teeth that everyone seems to have at the age of 11) but because I am convinced they are going to say, 'Livy all your teeth are going to feel out NOW'.

Anyway, my dentist is now on maternity leave so they gave me to another one, lets call him Mr Fitty Fit. He was luvverly.....

Unfortunately, I was unprepared for his loveliness and became slightly flustered,

Mr Fitty Fit: So, Livy, do you want to sit in my chair?

Me: Of course Mr Fitty Fit, if you want me to sit in your chair.

Mr Fitty Fit: (looking confused) Well... yes. I do. Now, open your mouth.

Me: (thinking that I really don't want Fit Dentist to see inside my mouth, I mean, ewwww) My mouth? Right. (opens mouth a teeny way) see? All fine!

After a while Mr Fitty Fit managed to prise my mouth open and check my teeth, me fluttering my eyelashes the whole time. He then told me (in his sexy Danish accent) that my teeth were EXCELLENT! And then he said six words that broke my heart a little bit...

'See you next time Mrs Parham'.

Damn it Steve!

A bit fractured and a new start

Recently I have been feeling a bit insecure and inadequate. Like I am not quite good enough or smart enough and that everybody else seems to be achieving so much more.

It is silly; when someone I know tells me some news, professional, personal, anything really, I am always so so proud of them, there is nothing negative in my feelings towards them, but, on occasion, their brilliance evokes some negative feelings towards myself.

That I am not keeping up, that I am not even comparable.

Why do I beat myself up? I don't know. I always have. It is stupid. I have achieved things - I have a degree, I have an amazing family and friends, I have a wonderful husband. But, despite these amazing things - things that lots of people would love to have and indeed search and fight for - I still feel that, in myself, I am not good enough.

Even right now, I am wondering whether I should even post this. Isn't it a tad self-indulgent? What will you think of me? Will you think that I am just a bit of a dick? That I have no idea about real problems? That scares me a bit. Isn't that idiotic?

So, this time, rather than waiting for the problem to fade away for a bit as I usually do, I am tackling it. Or I am trying to.

I have decided to enrol on a British Sign Language Level 1 course.

I had my first class last night and I can not tell you how nervous I was; would I be rubbish? Would everyone laugh at me? Would I be able to do it in anyway?

But I did. And I chatted with the other people there and I came out able to finger spell, ask for someones name and where they live (also, slightly bizarrely, the word biscuit - beware deaf people of Hull, I can find out where you live and then ask for your biscuits!).

Granted there were some dicey moments; for one thing I was so anxious before hand, I nipped home and made a bacon sandwich (I hadn't eaten any lunch due to nerves) and therefore reeked of cooking bacon. No-one wants to be known as Smelly-Bacon-Fat-Girl.

Me the last time I was in education... I promise the hat will not come back this time.

The important thing is that it is making me feel better about myself and, while I have had people say 'Why would you do that course? What's the point?' (so supportive!), I am choosing to not listen. I can do this and will.

Why helloooo there!

I'm back! The holiday was fabaroonie - thanks for asking!

It was all UK based (as we did NY and Vegas in March and are hoping for a skiing holiday come February) and it was wonderful. We hit Bristol (not literally you understand) and had a lovely meal at Piccolinos, went to the zoo (FYI, meerkats=cute, lorikeets=super fun and prairie dogs=not actual dogs) and bought fabulous new shoes.

Then we went to my other home, South Wales, tis where my Mama is from and where we still have a lovely home so it was awesome. I, involuntarily, Welshed up my accent which is one of my favourite things and headed to Rest Bay to body board every day - yep, me. And I rocked it. I can't describe how much I love South Wales - it is all so lovely and gorgeous and I love showing it all to Steve.

The fabulous Rest Bay

We then headed to my other nearly home of Manchester where we ate gorgeous food at Zinc, drank at the Oyster bar and then drank some more at Obsidian*, place of my infamous hen do cocktail making class and Steve even had a cocktail - the wonderful :

ABSINTHE WITHOUT LEAVE - We take five different rums, including Appleton VX, Sailor Jerry, Goslings and Wray & Nephew Overproof. Shake with pineapple, orange, lemon and passion fruit and strain into an absinthe rinsed cocktail shaker. Sounds crazy, it probably is! We have a house limit of two per person, nobody goes AWOL on our watch!

Just an amazing time - was a total shock heading back to work and routine. So that is why I am buying a Euromillions ticket for tonight, £110million should just about cover it I think.

Planning for my next post to be written on a yacht.... x