Sometimes we all need a little perspective

Having a shitty day and feeling sorry for myself so I did what I usually did and read Nienie to show myself that my life is GOOD. No idea if you follow Nienie - if you don't then do, granted she is a right wing Mormon but she inspires me in the day to day life stuff. To go through all that she has and still be able to list the things you are thankful for is pretty big for me.
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/
So if you are wallowing (like me) and want some perspective then give her a read - there is a full background on her on her blog and she will make you feel like your problems are nothing. I promise.

A night time adventure

I am going to take you back, way back, to Monday 11th January at 4am, what were you doing? Sleeping, snoring, having inappropriate dreams?

Usually me too, but on this particular occasion I was standing on a street corner, in my jammies, in the snow.

Why?

Well....

When we booked our Scotland trip we decided it would be fun to stay overnight in Newcastle on the way up. On arrival at the hotel, we travelled in the smallest lift in the world, and settled down to a pleasant evening in the bar. We stumbled off to bed around midnight and quickly fell into a deep slumber.

At 3.10am the fire alarm went off, loudly, it then stopped. Being the conscientious people that we are, we felt the floor, found it wasn't hot, and went back to sleep.

Five minutes later it goes again then stops. This happens intermittently for the next 30 minutes until it suddenly turns into a constant blare. We ring reception and are told that, although it is the building next door, we need to evacuate.

So we do.

We stand in the snow for 40 minutes, me clutching a bag holding Kitty, my favourite childhood (.... and adulthood) cuddly toy, Steve making fun of me because that is what I grabbed in the three minutes we had to get out, not my phone or purse.

My jammies and slippers on said evening - do you like the pink polka dots?

By 4.30am we had trudged back up to our room, I got straight back into bed and to sleep; Steve felt the need to unwind and turned the TV on.

Which is when he saw the best thing ever....

Sign language interpreters were signing pop songs!

Can you imagine anything more brilliant?

He really is shit

Postman Pat that is.

I watch him every morning at around 7am, sure he seems nice enough but surely he should have been struck off by now. He is completely inept. He can't just get on with his job without an attention-seeking display of ineptitude and as for the unsecured animal riding in his van - well the health and safety issues are just beyond belief. The number of personal errands he seems to do while working is beyond ridiculous... once I saw him close the Post Office so he and Mrs Goggins could spring clean... I mean really!!!

Plus I'll point out that he is also doing work on the side, the Specsavers ads of all things! He sold out big time; I mean seriously, he couldn't see well enough to know that you don’t deliver vegetables through letter boxes??? Totally should be sacked.

And now we're at it, whatever happened to Miss Hubbard and Granny Dryden? They were so in it when I was little; I suspect they may be under Ted Glen's patio.....

It's a travesty.

ps. He is more reliable than my postman though

At least I find him hilarious

Steve had to fill in one of those 'fun' work questionnaires. You know, there are twenty or so questions and it is designed as a delightful team building activity.

Anyway, one of the questions was:

'Name your three favourite bands'

Steve answered:

'Elastic, rubber and sweat'

As a result he has had to endure a long session on 'The workplace is a place to be serious'.

Oh to be British

The other night I was watching the news. The Kraft takeover of Cadbury's came up. Now this is sad, I agree but it is hardly ground breaking news that will change the world.

One slightly dopey looking interviewee was particularly indignant:

'It's disgraceful! I mean there ain't much British left in this country is there?!'

What the flippity is he on about? There is the Queen, me, you, Ryan Giggs and Kate Thornton. There's five right there. And I don't even have a huge amount of smarts.

I was on her side....

Last night, my friend and her boyfriend had an out and out row about what order the cutlery goes in the drawer. She has a specific order. He just chucks them in willy nilly.

Now I remember these arguments (there was a brilliant one about tinned tomatoes that resulted in me storming out of our flat and refusing to come back for an hour, even though it was December and I had no coat). Occasionally Steve and I still have them but after three and a half years of living together thankfully (??) they are few and far between, not that we totally agree on the way things are done, we've just learnt to pick our battles. These arguments are a normal part of moving in together; hell two of my friends still have an ongoing row about the use and definition of dishcloths.

I was reassuring my friend of this fact and sympathising with her entirely until she said one fateful thing:

"I mean, how hard is it to remember it is 'spoon, fork, knife, spoon, fork, knife'?"

My jaw dropped, I was literally stunned to silence. Spoon, fork, knife????

No, it is fork, knife, spoon, everyone knows this! It is the order you put them out on the table for crying out loud!

No-one puts the spoon first, even the knife, fork, spooners know that!

I should have just grabbed one

Tonight, after tea, Steve and I settled down in the living room. I got on with some work, Steve watched the football. As a very naughty break from the, as yet unsuccessful, starvation diet, we had a buttery crumpet each (how dodgy does that sound, but seriously, my interest at this point is purely carb related). We finished them and both got on with our separate activities.

A little while later, Steve went out the room, returning with two more crumpets, how sweet, I think.

He sits down, smiles at me and eats both.

Me: How unfair

Steve:

Me: I am so hungry

Steve:

Me: After I made you one earlier

Steve:

Me: Oi! Steve!

Steve:

Me: Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!

Steve: (very indignant) What? I'm watching the footb...

He pauses to witness Carlos Tevez shoot from just outside the 18 yard box. He misses.

Steve: Tevez, you selfish fucker, you should have passed it. Greedy bastard.

Me: You can hardly talk can you, eating my crumpets.

Steve: Didn't I offer you one?

Me: (curtly) No.

Steve: Do you want one?

Me: Yes!

Steve: Well I got the last two so you'll have to wait until you buy some more.