The last taboo

I have been thinking recently about relationships and, in turn, marriage.




Baby Livy and Steve, August 2005


Since February I have been asked, what seems like a million times, 'How is married life treating you?' and I always reply how fabulous it is and how wonderful etc... until last week I stopped and replied with the truth:

"It is awesome but remarkably similar to before"

Now let me be clear here, that is not to say that I don't love being married, I do. I am constantly smiling when I think that Steve and I have made wonderful vows to each other, that we have stood in front of family and friends and declared our love for one another, promising to be true and support our partner through everything life throws at us.

But I already knew that I would do that for Steve and that Steve would do that for me. I knew that long before we got hitched, before we got engaged, even before we moved in. But, when you both work full time and have busy social lives and commitments outside work and the home, sometimes that love and specialness can fall by the wayside and you get into the routine, the rut, the up-at-seven-work-out-shower-go-to-work-come-home-from-work-tidy-up-do-some-more-work-that-some-how-you-didn't-get-finished-at-the-office-make-tea-bitch-about-work-sit-because-you-are-so-tired-you-can't-quite-do-anything-else-bicker-a-bit-over-who-was-meant-to-buy-a-card-for-that-birthday-party-you-are-going-to-on-Saturday-and-finally-go-to-bed.

Exhausted just reading it? I know.

There is the perception that as soon as you are married you are blissfully happy and all those premarriage arguments (who last put the bins out? etc.... you know, the niggles that aren't serious or any actual indication of your relationship) disappear.

Teenage Livy and Steve, June 2008

I am going to be brave now.

They don't.

Don't get me wrong, I love Steve and being with him makes me beyond happy but, by god, he infuriates me on occasion! And that doesn't change following a lovely ceremony and some white iced cake. And that is good, I mean, after all, marriage or even just being together for a long time doesn't change who you are. It doesn't magic away your faults or annoying habits. I will always be cross that Steve is incapable of hanging washing up correctly and Steve will always hate that I... well he won't because all my habits are perfect and wonderful. He's a lucky guy like that.

I just think that, at the moment, with all the pressures of life, the no money due to a recession, the near constant threat of redundancy, it is understandable that sometimes the shine can be taken off a relationship. It is easy to snap, easy to look at other people and their 'perfect relationships' and feel jealous and lost without really seeing what you have.

So I am saying that, this weekend, just as you are about to yell at your partner because they brought home a jar of ground pepper rather than a single red pepper (true story), just stop and remember that sometimes relationships need a little bit of effort but, if it is right, then the juice will definitely be worth the squeeze.

Grown up Livy and Steve, February 2011

It is with this in mind that I am announcing that, when Steve gets in from work tonight at 8.30pm, I will be meeting him at the door with a beer, steak burgers and a smile. And possibly some chocolate buttons.