So tonight my work place is hosting a 'real ale' festival. Don't ask what makes the ale they are serving real. I mean, they would hardly serve imaginary ale would they? I have the exciting task of 'supervising' this event which means I'm not allowed to do anything fun such as serving the drunk people, no, it is more a 'what if the boiler breaks' type of role.
At first I was very disappointed as they serve no wine, no vodka, no gin.. not even a cheeky reef. No, apparently these 'real ale' people are prejudice towards nice drinks. So with my two free tokens (more on how I got these later) I have had to drink..... CIDER. Now, I am a cider virgin, no park bench teen foolrardalry for me, no. Technically I have had that yummy Jacques fruit cider but, lets be honest, that is more ribenna than anything else. I have found that cider tastes what I would imagine wee to taste of but you know, I deliberately picked an organic cider so I could count it as a fruit portion.
Anyway, where was I? Ah yes... how I got my free tokens... the man who runs the 'Real Ale Festival' is a very... large man. So large in fact that I am quite amazed he manages to stay upright, he has obviously put a lot of time and effort into his belly. Kudos to him. We got off to a bad start as he immediately called me the 'Big Girl'. Now, I am not large as in a... lots of pies large, but lets say I am top heavy. Drastically so. I had a few words but no know avail (big girls don't talk evidently). So imagine how thrilled I was when I found out that while big girls don't talk, they do get free tokens. Only two mind as he is a 'business man'.. in his jogger bottoms and extra large t-shirt.
So here I am, enjoying my wee cider and waiting for 11pm to roll round. What time is it now...? 21.47... time for another I feel!
Friday, 17 April 2009
Thursday, 16 April 2009
My 57
For lack of anything else to post, and because I've seen a lot of people do this and loved reading their lists, here are 57 random facts about moi:
1. I love cheese.
2. My cheese tooth is out of control.
3. My favourite color is black.
4. Since black isn't a colour, my real favourite is green.
5. And orange.
6. I have a sister and two brothers.
7. I'm older than all of them.
8. I am fiercely protective of my family.
9. I organise my food shopping by category at the tills (frozen stuff together, dairy together, meat together, non-perishables together, non-food items together, etc.).
10. It drives me crazy when the cashier mixes up my categories.
11. I get really annoyed when I see the '7 items or less' signs at the supermarket. Do they not know it should be '7 items or fewer'?
12. I am deathly afraid of beavers.
13. I can't watch Lady and the Tramp because of this fear.
14. I would like you to know that the fear is not irrational. Beavers are the size of a three year old and can chew through tree trunks. I can't think of many things scarier than that.
15. I always touch the ceiling when coming down stairs.
16. I don't have any first cousins.
17. I have LOTS of second cousins.
18. I don't really know what second cousins are.
19. I never go to bed without washing my face and brushing my teeth. NEVER.
20. When I was at university I kept 50p on my person at all times in case I needed to buy a Toffee Crisp.
21. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain.
22. S has a pretty low tolerance for pain.
23. If he reads this, he will get mad and say "that's not true!"
24. He won't read this.
25. My children are named already.
26. My biggest hangup with not having children for a few years is my fear that someone else will use the names I've picked, and think that I copied them when I use the names.
27. Seriously.
28. I once played the Mayor of Munchkinland in The Wizard of OZ.
29. I was once in the Vagina Monologues at uni.
30. I was the one that faked 52 orgasms on stage.
31. I got a standing ovation every night.
32. This made my boyfriend at the time very nervous.
33. In my university Spanish class, I set the record for saying the Spanish alphabet the fastest.
34. I'd bet anyone £5 that my record has not been broken yet.
35. It was the only thing I was good at in that class as everyone else was doing Spanish degrees and I was doing Linguistics.
36. Even though I have A-Levels in French and German and a GCSE in Spanish, I can't speak any of them properly.
37. I wish I could.
38. I occasionally tell people I can indeed speak all three when I want to feel clever.
39. This has backfired on a number of occasions. Not least in a job interview.
40. I was the last girl that two guys kissed before their gap years.
41. I promised them both I wouldn't go out with anyone else while they were gone.
42. I lied.
43. I try really hard not to be critical of people's spelling, grammar, and pronunciation mistakes.
44. It doesn't work.
45. I wish I was nicer.
46. I'm lazy.
47. I think height is the single most attractive physical trait.
48. That doesn't mean I think short people are ugly.
49. I think men have it FAR easier than we do, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.
50. However, to be a guy I'd have to give up the life I have now and
51. I would never do that.
52. I am the most superficially judgmental person you will ever meet.
53. I am the least actually judgmental person you will ever meet.
54. I was once voluntarily electrocuted. Twice.
55. If there is music on and I am left alone in a room, I am guaranteed to get up and dance and mime.
56. I always get caught.
57. I love my life (at least 80% of the time).
1. I love cheese.
2. My cheese tooth is out of control.
3. My favourite color is black.
4. Since black isn't a colour, my real favourite is green.
5. And orange.
6. I have a sister and two brothers.
7. I'm older than all of them.
8. I am fiercely protective of my family.
9. I organise my food shopping by category at the tills (frozen stuff together, dairy together, meat together, non-perishables together, non-food items together, etc.).
10. It drives me crazy when the cashier mixes up my categories.
11. I get really annoyed when I see the '7 items or less' signs at the supermarket. Do they not know it should be '7 items or fewer'?
12. I am deathly afraid of beavers.
13. I can't watch Lady and the Tramp because of this fear.
14. I would like you to know that the fear is not irrational. Beavers are the size of a three year old and can chew through tree trunks. I can't think of many things scarier than that.
15. I always touch the ceiling when coming down stairs.
16. I don't have any first cousins.
17. I have LOTS of second cousins.
18. I don't really know what second cousins are.
19. I never go to bed without washing my face and brushing my teeth. NEVER.
20. When I was at university I kept 50p on my person at all times in case I needed to buy a Toffee Crisp.
21. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain.
22. S has a pretty low tolerance for pain.
23. If he reads this, he will get mad and say "that's not true!"
24. He won't read this.
25. My children are named already.
26. My biggest hangup with not having children for a few years is my fear that someone else will use the names I've picked, and think that I copied them when I use the names.
27. Seriously.
28. I once played the Mayor of Munchkinland in The Wizard of OZ.
29. I was once in the Vagina Monologues at uni.
30. I was the one that faked 52 orgasms on stage.
31. I got a standing ovation every night.
32. This made my boyfriend at the time very nervous.
33. In my university Spanish class, I set the record for saying the Spanish alphabet the fastest.
34. I'd bet anyone £5 that my record has not been broken yet.
35. It was the only thing I was good at in that class as everyone else was doing Spanish degrees and I was doing Linguistics.
36. Even though I have A-Levels in French and German and a GCSE in Spanish, I can't speak any of them properly.
37. I wish I could.
38. I occasionally tell people I can indeed speak all three when I want to feel clever.
39. This has backfired on a number of occasions. Not least in a job interview.
40. I was the last girl that two guys kissed before their gap years.
41. I promised them both I wouldn't go out with anyone else while they were gone.
42. I lied.
43. I try really hard not to be critical of people's spelling, grammar, and pronunciation mistakes.
44. It doesn't work.
45. I wish I was nicer.
46. I'm lazy.
47. I think height is the single most attractive physical trait.
48. That doesn't mean I think short people are ugly.
49. I think men have it FAR easier than we do, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.
50. However, to be a guy I'd have to give up the life I have now and
51. I would never do that.
52. I am the most superficially judgmental person you will ever meet.
53. I am the least actually judgmental person you will ever meet.
54. I was once voluntarily electrocuted. Twice.
55. If there is music on and I am left alone in a room, I am guaranteed to get up and dance and mime.
56. I always get caught.
57. I love my life (at least 80% of the time).
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Crossing Lines
Did you all have a lovely Easter weekend? You did? Fab. Mine was great too. Now I promised my lovely cousin Amy a funny post about her wedding which we went to on Saturday. I'm still working on it so she (and you) will have to wait, but that's ok because she is on her honeymoon until Thursday anyway. So while you eagerly anticipate that I will share with you something that has been troubling me since... well yesterday.
An 'associate' of mine told me that because Obama won the US election last year, I will see many of the luxuries I enjoy disappear. I was confused, mainly because we don't live in America. No, she counter-argued, this doesn't matter because we are still defending our borders by carrying on in the Middle East, and that if the troops are pulled out and brought home, the war will come with them.
(She also said that no one in their right mind would want a man with the middle name Hussein to be president, which constituted a deal-breaker of stupidity for me and which, consequently, sent me to the sound-proof room in my head to scream.)
After the screaming had subsided and I was thinking fairly rationally again, I became fascinated with what she said about the borders. Regardless of whether that's true - that we are waging war in the Middle East to keep the bad guys from coming here - the concept fascinated me. It reminded me of the whole, 'if someone breaks into your house, can you lawfully kill them?' debate. S and I had debated this previously:
"S, if there was a baddie across the road, and I knew he was going to come in here and get me, could I shoot him?"
"Liv, we don't have a gun..."
"But if we did."
"You really want to talk about this...? Fine. You mean while he is across the road? Not on our property?"
"Yeah . . . if I knew he was just waiting for his chance to come in here and get me, could I execute a pre-emptive strike and just shoot him out there?"
"No. You can only shoot people who are threatening you in your house and I wouldn't advise that as you would probably go to prison."
"Damn it." (I didn't really say damn it, well I did but I didn't really mean it. It's not like I actually want to shoot people, but I did think it sucked that I had to sit there like a sitting duck, waiting for him to come and get me.)
So . . . I want to know what you all think. Is it justifiable to attack someone off of your property - on THEIR property, even - in self-defense? Is keeping war out of your own country a good enough reason to wage it elsewhere?
I think not. But it appears that there are people who disagree.
Your thoughts?
An 'associate' of mine told me that because Obama won the US election last year, I will see many of the luxuries I enjoy disappear. I was confused, mainly because we don't live in America. No, she counter-argued, this doesn't matter because we are still defending our borders by carrying on in the Middle East, and that if the troops are pulled out and brought home, the war will come with them.
(She also said that no one in their right mind would want a man with the middle name Hussein to be president, which constituted a deal-breaker of stupidity for me and which, consequently, sent me to the sound-proof room in my head to scream.)
After the screaming had subsided and I was thinking fairly rationally again, I became fascinated with what she said about the borders. Regardless of whether that's true - that we are waging war in the Middle East to keep the bad guys from coming here - the concept fascinated me. It reminded me of the whole, 'if someone breaks into your house, can you lawfully kill them?' debate. S and I had debated this previously:
"S, if there was a baddie across the road, and I knew he was going to come in here and get me, could I shoot him?"
"Liv, we don't have a gun..."
"But if we did."
"You really want to talk about this...? Fine. You mean while he is across the road? Not on our property?"
"Yeah . . . if I knew he was just waiting for his chance to come in here and get me, could I execute a pre-emptive strike and just shoot him out there?"
"No. You can only shoot people who are threatening you in your house and I wouldn't advise that as you would probably go to prison."
"Damn it." (I didn't really say damn it, well I did but I didn't really mean it. It's not like I actually want to shoot people, but I did think it sucked that I had to sit there like a sitting duck, waiting for him to come and get me.)
So . . . I want to know what you all think. Is it justifiable to attack someone off of your property - on THEIR property, even - in self-defense? Is keeping war out of your own country a good enough reason to wage it elsewhere?
I think not. But it appears that there are people who disagree.
Your thoughts?
Thursday, 9 April 2009
Because I am a FREAK
I frequently change the water in my fish tank (rather, I get S to do it while I watch and give instructions... 'Careful of that fish!' 'Don't touch that!' 'You've missed a bit on the left.').
Why, you ask?
Because I've seen one too many episodes of Ray Mears (thank you, S) and I read 'The Life of Pi' (remember - http://livyspinkpants.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-favourite-animal-is-tiger.html?), and I have daymares (like nightmares, but in daydream form) of needing to drink the water in the tank.
You know, like if there was a massive flood or tornado that somehow barricaded all the doors to my flat, plus crushed the pipes underground so that there was no running water.
In that situation I'd have to drink fish-water, and I need to be prepared for that.
Why, you ask?
Because I've seen one too many episodes of Ray Mears (thank you, S) and I read 'The Life of Pi' (remember - http://livyspinkpants.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-favourite-animal-is-tiger.html?), and I have daymares (like nightmares, but in daydream form) of needing to drink the water in the tank.
You know, like if there was a massive flood or tornado that somehow barricaded all the doors to my flat, plus crushed the pipes underground so that there was no running water.
In that situation I'd have to drink fish-water, and I need to be prepared for that.
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
On condiments and expertise
There are certain qualities, I think, that define bloggers. Not all bloggers maybe, but many of them. I've surmised that as a general rule, people who blog are opinionated, have a wide range of interests, and are very talkative under the right circumstances. I'd even go so far as to say that many bloggers are a touch narcissistic (totally including myself here), which leads me to another of the defining qualities, one which may not apply to every person who has a website but which CERTAINLY applies to me.
I think I'm always right.
Seriously, I am only exaggerating a really really little bit here. It is a huge, HUGE challenge for me to see other sides, to consider other opinions valid. When one of my best friends told me she likes Will and Grace better than Friends, I yelled at her. Really yelled. And I may even have choked up a little bit, with real tears, because she wouldn't listen to me and she was SO, SO WRONG. And it's just wrong to be that wrong.
I am mortally offended (MORTALLY. OFFENDED.) by those who say they prefer salad cream to mayonnaise. And I say 'say' because truly, I don't believe they do like salad cream better. They're just pretending, to push my buttons.
Same goes for those who prefer their steaks well-done . . . they just haven't had a good steak. In spite of the many lively debates I've had on the subject with various friends, I maintain that no one in their right mind would ever PREFER a well-done steak to one that's pink in the middle.
Sometimes I learn that I was wrong, for instance my ex boyfriend Tim used to say that eating sweet things gave him headaches and made him dizzy and zapped his energy and other nonsense. This made me very angry as it meant we never had icecream and I fought with him about it endlessly, telling him it was all in his head and if he would just eat ANOTHER cookie, the headache would go away and he would get more energy, and so on and so on.
And then he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with hypoglycemia, which made him, technically, right.
And yet I STILL argued with him about those things. Even after he got a MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS. Because I know more than doctors, that's why. Med school, schmed school.
Anyway, the point of all this is that I know I'm obnoxious and drive my friends and relatives crazy. . . so, when I post stuff on here that makes me look like I'm a self-righteous, intolerant prat with a big old bloated ego, well, that's because I am one.
And you should tell me so.
I think I'm always right.
Seriously, I am only exaggerating a really really little bit here. It is a huge, HUGE challenge for me to see other sides, to consider other opinions valid. When one of my best friends told me she likes Will and Grace better than Friends, I yelled at her. Really yelled. And I may even have choked up a little bit, with real tears, because she wouldn't listen to me and she was SO, SO WRONG. And it's just wrong to be that wrong.
I am mortally offended (MORTALLY. OFFENDED.) by those who say they prefer salad cream to mayonnaise. And I say 'say' because truly, I don't believe they do like salad cream better. They're just pretending, to push my buttons.
Same goes for those who prefer their steaks well-done . . . they just haven't had a good steak. In spite of the many lively debates I've had on the subject with various friends, I maintain that no one in their right mind would ever PREFER a well-done steak to one that's pink in the middle.
Sometimes I learn that I was wrong, for instance my ex boyfriend Tim used to say that eating sweet things gave him headaches and made him dizzy and zapped his energy and other nonsense. This made me very angry as it meant we never had icecream and I fought with him about it endlessly, telling him it was all in his head and if he would just eat ANOTHER cookie, the headache would go away and he would get more energy, and so on and so on.
And then he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with hypoglycemia, which made him, technically, right.
And yet I STILL argued with him about those things. Even after he got a MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS. Because I know more than doctors, that's why. Med school, schmed school.
Anyway, the point of all this is that I know I'm obnoxious and drive my friends and relatives crazy. . . so, when I post stuff on here that makes me look like I'm a self-righteous, intolerant prat with a big old bloated ego, well, that's because I am one.
And you should tell me so.
Friday, 3 April 2009
Complexities of food
At 7.30 this morning I asked S what we were going to have for tea and listed all the options we had.
S looked at me blankly with that hint of confusion that I am so used to seeing from him.
'Why?' he asks.
'Because I want to decide now so I can decide what to have for lunch and breakfast' I respond.
There is silence, S looks like he is desperately trying to find the words that best illustrate his thoughts.
'Liv, why don't we have breakfast, then decide on lunch and then tea?'
'Oh no' I reply, 'I can't possibly do that, I always decide on my tea in the morning so my day has focus and I can look forward to it.'
'Lasagne' says S with a look of exasperated exhaustion.
S looked at me blankly with that hint of confusion that I am so used to seeing from him.
'Why?' he asks.
'Because I want to decide now so I can decide what to have for lunch and breakfast' I respond.
There is silence, S looks like he is desperately trying to find the words that best illustrate his thoughts.
'Liv, why don't we have breakfast, then decide on lunch and then tea?'
'Oh no' I reply, 'I can't possibly do that, I always decide on my tea in the morning so my day has focus and I can look forward to it.'
'Lasagne' says S with a look of exasperated exhaustion.
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
Today I am...
Confused because somebody on one of those 100 Top.. shows said that Edna Mode from "The Incredibles" is the funniest movie character in the last 10 years.
What?
What?
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