My favourite animal is the tiger

Here is my review of the book Life of Pi, which is merely a play-by-play of all the things I've said to S while reading it (and his increasingly exasperated responses), and which, also, contains many spoilers. You'll note my tone, which is a clear indication of how much I enjoyed the book.

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Me: "S, this Indian kid is Muslim, Catholic, and Hindu!"

S: "I don't think it works that way."

Me: "He just loves God, that's why. He likes all the ways to love God."

S: "Okay."

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Me: "His father owns a zoo! And so he grew up with all those animals! And his dad made him watch a hungry tiger eat a goat, so that he would understand how mean tigers are even when they appear tame!"

S: "That's kind of ruthless. Also, is this book just about belonging to three religions and growing up in a zoo?"

Me: "So far!"

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Me: "S, HE WAS ON A SHIP WITH ALL THE ANIMALS GOING TO CANADA AND IT SANK! THE SHIP SANK! AND HE'S ON A LIFEBOAT WITH A TIGER!"

S: "How did the tiger get on the lifeboat?"

Me: "He helped it get on there!"

S: "Why?"

Me: "He was confused! There's a zebra on there too, and a hyena, and an orangutan! And the tiger's name is Richard Parker!"

S: "Isn't it orangutang? And isn't Richard Parker a stupid name for a tiger?"

Me: "No! And no!"

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Me: "S! The hyena ate the zebra and the orangutang, and the tiger ate the hyena! And now he wants to eat the boy!"

S: "That makes sense."

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Me: "He's trying to train the tiger! So it won't eat him!"

S: "What? Who's trying to train a tiger?"

Me: "Pi! Are you sleeping?"

S: "I was."

Me: "He's training the tiger like in a circus, so it won't eat him! And he tried to eat its faeces!"

S: "Nice."

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Me: "They're going to starve to death and they're going blind!"

S: "Who is?"

Me: "Pi and the tiger! They can only eat raw fish and turtles and they haven't caught any and they're starving and all the salt's making them go blind!"

S: "Is that whole book about a boy and a tiger floating around in a lifeboat?"

Me: "I think so!"

S: "That's really boring."

Me: "No it's not! It's like the movie 'Castaway' only better because there's a TIGER!"

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Me: "S, HE FOUND ANOTHER PERSON AND THE OTHER PERSON TRIED TO EAT HIM AND SO THEN THE TIGER ATE HIM!"

S: "Ate who?"

Me: "RICHARD PARKER! HE ATE THE PERSON WHO TRIED TO EAT PI! ATE HIM!"

S: "Well, at least the bloody tiger served some purpose in the story besides making you think that an otherwise boring book is good just because it has a tiger in it."

Me: "I will kill you."

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Me: "They found an island with meerkats and fresh water!"

S: "Are the meerkats the ones from the 'Compare the Market' adverts?"

Me: "No."

S: "Sorry, what did you say?"

Me: "They are on an island!"

S: "So now they really are castaways."

Me: "No, they had to leave because it was poison!"

S: "What was poison?"

Me: "The island! It ATE people!"

S: "I'm going to bed."

------Me: (crying) "S, I'm crying."

S: (long sigh) "Why are you crying?"

Me: "Richard Parker left. They got to Mexico and he left. And he didn't even say goodbye."

S: "He's a tiger. They don't talk. And it's midnight, can we please turn off the lights?"

Me: "He left." (sniffle) "He left, S. They were on the boat together for like 290 days and then he just left. Why would he do that?"

S: "Because he's a tiger."

Me: "I love this book."

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