Once a drama queen, always a drama queen

When I was in reception, there was a boy in my class named Matthew. In the wintertime, his nostrils were always covered in dried blood. This bothered me immensely and I informed my teacher. I continued to remind her of it every hour or so; I was THAT dismayed. Poor Matthew.

When I was in year 1, I 'got married' to a boy in my class named Michael. We had an elaborate ceremony under a tree in the school field. I had decided he loved me because we both kissed the school rabbit at the same time this obviously meant we practically had kissed each other. After all, we would have, had we not been separated by long-eared Buttons. I therefore persuaded Michael that we should get married. Two days after he held hands with my friend Laura under the maths table. My heart broken, I cried for days.

In year 2 a boy standing behind me in the line to see the teacher said the word "bum". I unleashed my righteous indignation on him for daring to use such horrid language, and he meekly apologized. (Oh, how the mighty have fallen.)

When I was in year 3, I was in love with a boy named James. I wrote him secret admirer letters with clues about my identity. Clearly I was no Agatha Christie; he guessed after the second note. When he confronted me about it, I told him I'd just been delivering the letters for my friend Josie (I had no such friend) who went to a different school but had caught a glimpse of James on the playground one day and fallen in love from a distance. (Is there a prize for thinking on your feet? If so then I'd have won it.) He demanded to meet her. I convinced my (real) friend Laura (yes, we made up since the maths table incident) to pose as Josie and let them meet in the playground of my school (where she was inexplicably wearing our school uniform, geez James you weren't the brightest bulb in the tanning booth were you?). Anyway, they swapped numbers, and we instructed him to ask for Laura when he called her, because, er, that was her family nickname. Laura. As a nickname for Josie.

When I was in year 4, I was picked to play the part of Persephone for the class assembly AND due to fab casting it meant that the most yummy, popular boy in the class had to hold my hand. The popular girls actually cried tears of envy; it was my finest moment. I could say that's where my career in theatrics started, but if you've read this whole post... you know I was a drama queen, born and bred, before anyone ever handed me a script.