Wednesday, 18 March 2009

I'm sorry

So a few of my friends have done this and they made me laugh so I am going to give it a try...

S: I'm sorry I told you I had broken my leg as a joke when I was living in London and forgot to text you to five minutes later as I had intended to tell you I was kidding.

S: I'm am sorry you spent £40 on a huge bunch of flowers for me when you thought I had broken my leg.

My younger brothers: I'm sorry for making you dress up like girls once. If it makes you feel any better, you were both pretty girls.

My friend Amie: I'm sorry for that I once grabbed your neck with the tongs after using them to get waffles out of the oil. It really was an accident, I didn't know they were hot and would burn your neck. I really was just playing around.

Amie's mum: I'm sorry I lied and told you that it was a complete accident that Amie had perfectly lined up burn marks on either side of her neck... I realise now you saw through my story of how it happened.

Mrs Hancock: I'm sorry for hiding under my desk in year three when I didn't finish my work. I thought you couldn't see me and that you would forget I was there, I now know that you can't really hide effectively under your desk when you are in the front row. I just didn't want you to be mad.

Miss Goforth (head teacher): I'm sorry thinking you would make the perfect Ursala. I was really into The Little Mermaid and you had a scratchy voice and you were a pleasantly plump lady. It just fit. But it wasn't right. Sorry.

My sister: I'm sorry I continuously told you you were adopted and that you couldn't ask Mum because it would make her cry.

My sister: I'm sorry I told you that Mum and Dad only had you because I needed a kidney when you discovered that you weren't in fact adopted.

My sister: I am sorry that I made you kiss my bare bum when I was 6 and you were three because 'I was the big sister and the most important'.

My sister: I'm sorry that I told you that before people are born they are asked whether they want to be pretty and that you had obviously said no.

Dad: I am sorry that my sister and I told one of your girlfriends that you were in a cult and that you wanted her to join. And I'm sorry she then unexplicabley left the restaurant.

Self: I'm sorry for the mushroom head hairstyle of the late nineties. Ick.

Katie: I am sorry that I thought I could cut layers into your hair because I watched a stylist cut layers into mine.

Mrs Wilson: (my reception teacher): I am sorry that I cried nearly every day in school. All I wanted was to go home or to get my stinking lunch box open. I am also sorry that I stole your blutack every time I spotted it and also for stealing toys like the counting bears...they were too hard to resist... I took one of every color...

Self: I am sorry that I just couldn't resist the blutack and that I ended up dropping it in my hair during nap time. I am sorry I was too afraid to tell my teacher because I didn't want her to know I was the culprit, so I ended up ripping out my hair and leaving a huge bald spot on the right side.

Boys I fancied during my school years: I am extremely sorry that you recieved countless phone calls from my friends telling you that you better get your chance with me while you can, because I was moving soon. I put them up to that, and no, I was never going to move.

My sister, Ian and Ryan: I am sorry that you guys were dumb enough for really believing that Laura, Leona and me could hypnotise you and make you do our chores.

My sister, Ian and Ryan: I am sorry for calling you dumb.

Mrs Batty (playgroup teacher): I'm sorry I told my mum you made the nursery class play a game where I had to kiss boys, just because I didn't want to play in the home corner so you made me sit out. I'm sorry that my mum called you, furious, and you had to tell her I was a big fat liar.

Mrs Crossland (other playgroup teacher): I'm sorry I got put into your group because Mrs Batty no longer wanted a liar in her group.

Mum: I'm sorry I lied to you about that..

My sister: I'm sorry I always fed you really yucky foods when we'd play 'Guess what I'm feeding you'. I am also sorry that I laughed when you threw up.

My sister: I'm sorry that I gave you fairy liquid water in a cup when you asked me to get you a drink. I am also sorry that you drank it and then spat all over the carpet. I am even more sorry that when Mum got cross at you and you told her what happened that I said that you were lying and she believed me and told you off more.

S: I'm sorry that when we are seeing what is on tv I deliberately don't mention that Top Gear is on because I know that without your glasses you won't know and then that way I can watch My Super Sweet 16.

My sister: I am sorry that I threw your knickers onto the top of the lockers when we were at the swimming pool and that neither of us could reach them and you had to go home without them, wearing just a skirt.

My sister: I am sorry that I told everyone about the knickers thing.

Mr Riley (Year 2 teacher): I'm sorry I told you I was a better speller than you.

Victoria Moxon: I'm sorry that Amie and I stuffed balloons up our noses and then gave them to you to blow up. It was her idea.

Chris Woodbrush: I'm sorry I didn't go to the Hymers/Hull High Ball with you.

Jamie Churchill: I'm sorry I didn't go to the Hymers/Hull High Ball with you.

Greg Matthews: I'm NOT sorry I didn't go to the Hymers/Hull High Ball with you. You were creepy.

Nana: I'm sorry I thought it appropriate to tell you about my friend who got pregnant while on the pill. I really have no explanation for that.

Nana: I'm sorry I told you that S and I spent £400 a month on food shopping when we first moved in. It wasn't true and I have no explanation for that either.

Weird religious man who knocked on my door: I'm sorry I told you I was also going to hell with Obama, but seriously, I wasn't thinking clearly after you listed him in the same category as Hitler.

Damien Smaile: I'm sorry I broke up with you because you were too short. Oh, and I'm sorry I nicknamed you Chester the Molester.

Whew. I feel 100 times better now that I have gotten all that off my chest. I am sure there are 100s more, but I think this will do! You should try it.

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