Friday, 31 January 2014

Got it

About a week ago someone I knew asked me if the house that we live in now could be our 'forever house'.

After I stopped gagging at the ickiness of the term, I answered no. But, aside from the fact it is only rented, I couldn't really give a reason why. Yes it has a bizarre layout but there is lots of space; yes it is only three bedrooms but how many rooms do we really need; yes it backs onto a wood but hello, it backs onto a wood! How cool is that?!

As I generally spend every moment of my existence pondering crap, I spent many an hour contemplating this question: what was the actual reason I did not want to live in this house forever.

And this morning I finally put my finger on it.

You cannot prance around the front room pretending to be a pop star unless you are happy with every neighbour and passer by seeing.

It seems the bin men found my super cool rap goddess moves and mouthing to Iggy Azalea just hilarious.

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

Reading the baby's mind. Again.

Rex is a baby of few words; many sounds and grunts, but few words...

Hmm. I've always come downstairs on my bum or by being carried, but that was before I got so good at walking. Turns out I can travel much more quickly by plunging forward on foot. Do the maths. Going downstairs is awesome, walking is awesome. I should walk downstairs!

Why has everyone put trees inside? And put sparkley things on them? Ooooh, I can reach the sparkley things! Bop. Bop. Ha ha ha ha ha! I can pull them off the tree! This is AWESOME!

I love dancing! Mummy, make the people on the magic box sing and dance! Yes!!!! No! Not this song! I HATE this song! You are a stupid Mummy! Change it! I demand you change it! Here is the smaller magic box that lets you change the picture on the big magic box! Do it! Muummmmmmyyyyyyyyy! Good Mummy! No, hate this one too! Next! I said next! No. No. No. No. Wait.... YES! I LOVE THIS ONE! I am rocking these dance moves! I am awesome! No, don't sing Mummy! You are ruining it! RUINING IT!

Stairs? Anyone going to the stairs? I could use a little help with the door.

Next door's cat is in the living room! I LOVE IT! I love cats! Strokey stroke stroke! Cats cats cats!

Nana's house! Brilliant! No bottom stair gate so I can get to the stairs, answer phone within reach with buttons to press AND a dog to chase! Best. Day. Ever!

What is in your glass? No, I don't want MY drink. I want YOUR drink. Don't say they are the same. They are not. No, don't pretend to pour your drink into mine, I know you aren't really doing it. Oh you went there.... you are just embarrassing yourself Mummy.

Lunch. This isn't where we usually eat lunch. Who are all these people? What are you trying to give me? A cream cheese sandwich? No, I don't want that. Don't even try to give me that cream cheese sandwich, I know I like them at home but I don't trust this place. You're an idiot for eating here. I refuse to eat that here. Let me down, idiot! Let me just take a lap, then I'll try it. Don't force it in my mouth! Wait, that's good. Yes. Yes, I like that, OK, maybe they aren't so dodgy here! Give me another bite. I SAID GIVE ME ANOTHER BITE. No, you know what, I'm done. Let's find some stairs, are there any stairs in this joint? What about a dog, is there a dog? I like dogs. I like dogs. Did you get that? Dogs! Get away from me with that cream cheese sandwich, I am OVER it. Find me a dog or we're done.

I want out of this highchair! This place looks awesome, I bet I could run really really well in here. So what if you are still eating? I don't see how that is my problem. Seriously. Fine. I will just bang my spoon on the table. Yep. Look at me fellow restaurant patrons! Look at me banging my spoon! Going for the ignore me technique Mummy? Mistake. I will add shouting to my repartee! RA RA RA RA DA DA DA DA DOH DOH DOH DOH! They are all looking Mummy! That's right, you order me an ice cream. Result.

Ooooh, a pretty lady AND she has brought me ice cream. I love her. Let me just do my cutest smile and bat my eyes a bit. She is smiling at me. Just add a bashful giggle. That's right lady, lap it up. I am so sweet aren't I? Mummy, are you paying attention? You could learn a lot from this woman, she falls for my obvious charms and brings me ice cream.

Hey, my nappy is off! There's a crack down there! I should put stuff in it! My hand, or a toothbrush! Cheerios! A sock!