Tuesday, 22 January 2013

For it is yummy

Pizza that is.

After a long week and the funeral of my Grandad at the end of it, I was done. Rex is still an atrocious sleeper (why sleep when there are so many exciting things to see and do) so I was particularly knackered.

Steve offered the best antidote, well second best as wine is out, damn that child and his need for milk, and suggested takeaway pizza.

We rang the local chippy and specified our need for pizza and chip shop chips (not fries!).

Seriously, so so so very good. So good that I mmmmmmed and aaaaaaaaghed through mouthfuls.

Steve glanced over at my box.

Steve: That is the weirdest way of eating pizza ever.

Me: No, it is the best way. Gets the boring crusts done and saves all the yummy bits for the end.

Seriously, how was he brought up to eat pizza, next he will be telling me he doesn't peel his chicken nuggets....

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Best keep an eye on them

As you turn the corner into our road, there is a house directly in front of you, it is very normal looking; a semi with four windows at the front, one of which you can see into.

There on the mantelpiece was a pretty, small Christmas Tree, no bigger than knee height. It has gold and red baubles on it and a star on the top. It is perfect.

It is also March.

Yep, I saw this tree on the mantle in March shortly after we moved to the village. March. Not December.

Every day as I passed it, it remained. Sat in pride of place on the centre of the mantelpiece, right above the fire. It became so normal that I almost stopped noticing it.

December came and the rest of the street became Christmas decoration crazy, lights everywhere, trees that would be more befitting in a forest than a living room, one house even had a 9 foot inflatable Tigger with a Santa hat on outside the front door. It was Christmas central.

Eagerly I peeked in the Christmas-tree-in-March house window to see what they had done, I mean, if they had a mini tree all year round then what on earth would they do when Christmas time actually round?!

Gingerly I pushed the pram close to their drive, in a nonchalant manner, I pretended to tend to my infant son in the pram (as a quick aside, I often use him like this, kids are great for it, 'Oh no the baby is crying! I will just stop and jiggle the pram while staring at the gorgeous older gentleman in the library...'), where was I? Oh yes, so I sneakily looked up, ready for the wonder....


Even the mini tree was gone.

Bizarre, I thought and then it disappeared from my mind.

Until yesterday when I walked passed again, I couldn't help but look in and there it was, 8 days after Twelfth Night, the mini tree back on the shelf!

I mean, what kind of people have a Christmas themed decoration up all year and then take it down during its month of relevance? What am I dealing with?!

Some of my own Christmas decorations  which were put up and taken down at the appropriate times!

Friday, 18 January 2013

In the mind of Rex, aged 4 months and a bit

"I can sense you in my sleep. You try to take a nap, I will wake the eff up the second your head hits the pillow. Nobody sleeps but me in this house."

"What are those? They look like little triangles? Nach-os... Ooooh Mum's eating them like they are the elixir of life itself. Maybe I can sneak one when she's not looking. I'll just ... a little further ... she's looking! Act natural, act natural. Doop de doop ... got it! Buggeration!. She sees me. I don't even care. Go ahead and try to get this from my hand, Mummy. I'll die first. Victory is MINE."

"If everyone else is pushing buttons, I should push buttons. Where are some buttons? Give me the buttons! Yeah, I'll call Nana. I'll call whomever I want. Quit talking to me like I don't know what I'm doing, I call people all the time. Check your call log. That's right. You should really have never let me hold your phone."

"I can sooooo walk. You just need to put me down on the floor. I can do it! I can!"

"So this is the floor.... and yet I still can't seem to walk. I am doing just the same as you and yet I do not move. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LEGS DAMN YOU!"

"You know, I can see that you want me to sit nicely in my chair while you eat that dinner. You're offering me my teddy and my Joshua Giraffe teether. I see all that. You know what else I see? Your lap which I want to sit on. I'll scream, oh I will scream big time. Just try me."

"Breakfast. Pureed pears. No, I don't want that. Don't even try to give me those pears; I will bite you. You're an idiot. I refuse to eat that. Don't do aeroplane noises, idiot! I don't even like pears, I can tell by looking. Wait... that aeroplane noise is so hard to resist... I am involuntarily opening my mouth! Fine! I'll try it. Wait, that's good. Yes. Yes, I like that. Give me another bite. I SAID GIVE ME ANOTHER BITE. No, I'm done. I'm spitting. Spitting, spitting."

"Hey, my nappy is off! Ooooh, freedom! Kicky kick kick! Wait, I remember that feeling, there it goes. Definitely a wee. Wait, when did everything get so wet around me?"

"Mummy! Why are you yelping? I was eating here! All I did was hear Daddy walk in and turn my head and then your nipple did that really funny twanging thing out of my mouth. It was hilarious!"

"Why are you all cooing at me and telling me I am a clever boy! I am telling you something very important! Stop saying ga ga and da da at me! I am explaining a very complex issue regarding milk!"

"La la la, what a nice day... wait, a pretty lady is smiling at me! OK, you've practised this, your best smile, go! Lots of gums! That's right, come to me pretty lady, I am sooooo cute!"

Sunday, 13 January 2013

My political career

OK, so the phrase goes that you shouldn't discuss policitics and money.


I'm going ignore that.

As you may have gathered, I am incredibly liberal. My parents (all three of them) have always been liberal. In every way.

Pro choice, pro gay marriage, pro equal rights, pro everything that is right.

See there I go already - I can't help it, I know (read believe) that all of the above is right. As we have established, sometimes (read always), I struggle to see how anyone else can believe any different. I mean, when something as simple as equal rights for all people who are in love how can anything else be right?

So when I was watching a repeat of The Daily Show the other night (which I love by the way) I came accross a clip of Sarah Palin.

Seriously, is there a more unpleseant and toxic person in the world?

I mean Bush, granted, but Palin also has the added bonus of being insane.

Why did anybody ever listen to her in the first place. Lets face facts, this is a woman that called her daughter Bristol. With a straight face. Then she called her son Trigg.

End of story.

Friday, 11 January 2013

My many talents

Did you know that I once did a course on West Greenlandic? It is one of the more useless subjects I studied. The classes were vagually hysterical. I was once made to sing a West Greenlandic song about a man who kills a black seal and takes it home to his wife but she doesn't like it so he goes back and kills a white one instead.

The chorus went : And he hit and he hit till the baby seal was smashed.

The whole course proved quite amusing, we were also told a joke:
There are two men.
One man says to the other:
'Do you speak Serbo-Croation?'
The other replies:
'I'm not sure, I don't try often'
Apparently this joke is hilarious in West Greenland. The text book had chapters entitled 'On the sheep farm' and 'Birds, seals and whales'.

We are currently considering it as our first family holiday destination. A hoot and a half it will be.