Wednesday, 26 June 2013

He is full of wisdomosity

Steve: You know when you publish your blog? I guess, as it is mainly about me, I should get 50% of the profits...

Me: Right...

Steve: I am, after all, your inspiration, your muse if you will.

Me: Well, do you copyright everything you say?

Steve: Yes. A teeny, tiny gnome follows me around and notes down everything I say.

Me: (peering behind him) That is clearly false.

Steve: He is invisible.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

A happy home

Steve had just got Rex out of the bath.

Steve: You really are the cleverest baby in the world Roo. So smart. Well... actually, I am going to be honest, there are probably other babies who are just as clever out there, maybe some who are actually more clever. But that is ok! Because you have the looks too; we wouldn't want you to be a Sheldon Cooper would we? No, you are like Leonard.

I interject from the other room.

Me: Leonard is hardly gorgeous.

Steve: Fair point, but he gets Penny.

Me: (Still shouting from the next room) Because she moves across the hall.

Steve: True... but sometimes that is what it is all about Rexy, proximity. If Cheryl Cole had moved across the hall from me then she would probably be your mummy.

Me: Errrrrr....

Steve: Of course, silly Daddy she wouldn't be your mummy, your mummy will always be Mummy!

He pauses.

Steve: Cheryl Cole would be your step-mummy.

Saturday, 22 June 2013

It had been a long day

Me: Steve, did you order my butterflies?

Steve: Butterflies? No.

Livy: Why?!

Steve: I've not had any time.

Me: But it only takes two minutes with any recognised debit or credit card, the woman on the infomercial said.

Steve: Why do you even want butterflies?

Me: Ummm, duh! Because it is super cool. You get them as caterpillars and then they grow, turn into chrysalises... chrysali... and then butterflies and then they fly away!It is totally awesome.

Steve: Let me rephrase that, I do not want butterflies.

Me: You do! And you would benefit from them; they are very beneficial.

Steve: How?

Me: Well they are very educational. And they are pretty to look at. And you can eat their honey.

Steve: That is bees.