Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Some tales

You must excuse the lack of postage because a very sad thing happened.

I stood on my laptop and smashed the screen. Twas tragic. I cried. More than once. So this post comes to you through the exciting method of plugging said laptop into the tv thus making a massive computer which is Very Cool (although difficult to buy secret presents on).

Anyway, the nature of this post is birth.

The birth of Mr Rex was not straight forward, of course it wasn't, I mea, was it ever going to be with Steve and me at the helm? And, I would like to share the story of it with you. I do, however, understand that not all of you will want to read about me in labour (although we ended with a c section so there will be little talking of vjay-jays) so I will be posting the story in a separate section of the blog. I am still trying to work out how to create such a section so bear (bare?) with me.

I do, however, have to tell you the most brilliant bit of giving birth. It was not hearing my newborn son's cries for the first time, no, that went more like this:

Doctor: He's here!

Me: He is? Really?

Steve: Yes! Can't you hear him crying?

Me: No!

Nurse: There! Did you hear that cry?

Me: No!

Surgeon: He's crying! Can you hear him?

Me: Maybe I could if you all stopped asking me!


Me: I still can't hear him!

Steve: There, that little squeek then. That's him!

Me: I thought that was a dog!

Steve: A dog? We are in an operating theatre! Logically, why would there be a dog here?

Me: It is 11pm on a Bank Holiday Monday and I just signed a consent form giving permission for a man I have never met to slice me in two. Logic is not playing a huge part of my day.

No, this is the really brilliant part.

After they got the baby out and I had kissed him, they gave him to Steve and Steve sat just by my head on the right while they finished my surgery. When you have a caesarian, they make you lie with you arms out to your sides, like you are on a cross, and, while in this position, I was clutching a tissue in my right hand. Suddenly,

Steve: Liv, do you have a tissue?

Me: Yes, for some reason I am still holding this one from the labour room.

Steve: Great, I am really hot so could you mop my brow?

I reached up, behind my head and dabbed at Steve's head. While I was still being operated on.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Now, lets remember, we're very sleep deprived...

Steve and I were in the living room. Steve was eating. I was feeding the baby and myself simultaneously. We were watching How I Met Your Mother. The adverts came on.

Steve: Seriously, a Christmas advert already?

Me: I know, but it is October. Christmas is just round the corner.

Steve: I am looking forward to this Christmas, it is going to be awesome. I'm not usually big on Christmas but it is going to be so special this year. I want us to get the big tree, play Christmas songs, see everyone and just celebrate.

A new advert came on. It played for a minute and then:

Me: Another Christmas ad! Wait... this is the exact same Christmas M&S advert as last year! With the X Factor contestants.

Steve: I was about to say! Are they saving money or something? Why reuse it? It is not as if last year's contestants are particularly rele..

He stopped.

Steve: Oh God... Liv, we're playing this How I Met Your Mother on Sky+. It is from last year. These adverts are from last year.

Me: I had totally forgotten that we had pressed play.

Steve: Me too. We must never speak of this again.

Friday, 5 October 2012

The father of my child ladies and gentlemen!

So at the minute our evenings consist of TV and food, takeaway if we are living on the edge.

Living in the land of little sleep and fuzzy brain, the TV must be simple; I'm talking Big Bang Theory, Rules of Engagement, Pointless (although that can be a tad taxing), anyway, tonight's viewing choice was American Pie 2. A classic I think you'll agree.

Watching with Steve of course, meant that I was subjected to his constant film critiquing expertise. He is quite the Barry Norman.

Comments included:

"She is not attractive, face like a spat out toffee."

"Stifler may be cooler than Barney. But in a less cool way."

"I need to buy this song. Sum41 rock."

"This film is ridiculous."

And then came the bit where Kevin claims to have slept with three women over his first year at college.

Steve: "Three over a year? Shocking!"

Me: "You prude! Three is hardly a huge number over 12 months!"

Steve: "That's what I mean, three was good a weekend for 18 year old me! I woke up in a hotel room with more!"

I rolled my eyes.

Steve: "Wait... no that was the same number. I think. And it is all very hazy..."