Thursday, 29 March 2012

Dear Baby

I was thinking the other day about how my life is going to spectacularly change. And that is, in large part, down to you. You have already caused so much fuss and excitement it is unreal, and not just from us, I hasten to add. From our parents, our brothers, our sister, our friends; more and more I am somehow realising that when you get here in August, my position as Cute Adorable One will be under serious threat from you.

And, uncharacteristically, I won't even fight it.

A lovely, dear friend of mine was telling me yesterday about how 'they love you already'. And I suddenly thought... I don't know if I love you yet.

This is not going to turn into some cheesey 80s movie skit where I now declare that my feelings for you run deeper than love or anything.

What I feel for you is different than how I know and understand love to be. It is very primal and overwhelming; a feeling that you are so so precious and need protecting. The responsibility of that protection; of keeping you safe inside me, is almost too much sometimes. I worry if I am doing it right and then think myself silly as how can you really do it wrong.

But I am not sure I love you yet.

After all, we have never been formally introduced. I know nothing about you (well, apart from the fact that you are currently the size of a banana, I tell you, that makes eating my breakfast quite an odd experience). I don't know if you are kind or generous, if you tell lies or are mean. I don't know the colour of your hair (if indeed you have any) or the size of your feet (I'm guessing small though..). I don't know if we will get on. I don't even know if you are a boy or a girl.

Sometimes, when I feel your little kicks inside my tummy, like pokes or flicks, I move my hand to you and you instantly stop moving. Are you scared of me? Are you hiding? Or are you, as I suspect, just being an awkward bugger who won't play nice?

This afternoon we are going to see you again.

I can't wait.

I am very nervous though.

What if they tell me that you are sick? That you will be sick? That there is something wrong? What if they tell me that you will be super right wing? Or not like cheese!

Any situation (well... barring the cheese one) will be ok though. I am strong enough for anything. I know I always will be when it comes to you. Now, if you could be a dear and keep your legs open so we can at least find out your flavour that would be just perfect. And will significantly reduce the name arguments between me and your Daddy, I promise.

And I am looking forward to loving you.

love from,

your Livy Mummy x

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