I have often mentioned my lovely sister Alex on here before (occasionally known as Lola - don't ask, it is a long and complex sister story), what I have neglected to mention before is that she is insane. Completely so.
Stories about her are legendary.
She once got beaten up by a blind man with his white cane.
She accidentally duped Liza Minelli into thinking she was in a west end play.
During the Olympics she went to a handball game and excitingly sent us the link to iplayer so that we could see her brief moment of glory in the crowd. On the footage she is doing a little dance. By herself. Surrounded by other, seated, spectators.
She also does a kick ass impression of an ostrich and has her name in the credits of the last two Harry Potter films. She is all kinds of awesome.
So, thinking that the baby would be here by now (didn't we all....), she came up to see us this weekend.
In a conversation over tea, I asked how her lovely boyfriend Dan is; Dan, it should be worth mentioning, is an actor and currently starring in a play in the west end with Hannah Spearitt from Primevil and S Club fame. It is also worth noting that, as part of this play, Dan and Hannah have to kiss a little bit.
"Oh, he's fine", Alex starts, "In fact, I have hardly seen him, I am so busy at work and so is he. He is at a wedding this weekend. Someone from Primevil's wedding. I can't remember if it is today or tomorrow..."
"Is it Hannah from S Club's wedding?" I ask excitingly (for, as we know, I am a loser for celebrity gossip).
"No", she replies, "Someone else's, Hannah can't even be there you know. Which is why I called NHS Direct."
The whole table turns to Alex, confused.
She blinks, "Oh, yes, Hannah has shingles, so I called NHS Direct to ask them what to do."
"Ummmm... doesn't she have her own people to do things like that for her?", someone ventures.
"What? No, not for her, for me. I rang up NHS Direct and asked them what I should do as my boyfriend regularly kisses someone with shingles and I was about to visit my sister who is very pregnant and may even have a newborn and I didn't want to pass on shingles or chicken pox."
"And what did they say?"
"She said it wouldn't be a problem but if she were me then she would stop my boyfriend kissing women who are sick. I didn't mention it was Hannah from S Club 7, I thought it would confuse matters."
And with that, she returned to her pasta.
Party Make Up
10 months ago