Headline: Woman Maims Boyfriend with Plastic Spoon in Cinema

The other night, we went to the cinema. We bought our tickets. Fine. We decide we definitely need snacks, I want a double cookie dough sundae which is two scoops of cookie dough ice cream and two scoops of vanilla but I ask for a scoop of strawberry instead of one of the vanillas. I pop to the bathroom when S ordered. While I'm in there washing my hands, my phone rings, it is S:

S: "What did you want again?"

Me: "I want a double cookie dough sundae with one scoop of strawberry ice cream instead of vanilla."

S: "Ok, (to server) can I have a cookie dough sundae with strawberries."

Me (still on the phone): "No - with one scoop of strawberry ice cream instead of one of the vanillas."

S (to server): "A cookie dough sundae and one scoop of strawberry ice cream."

Server: "One cookie dough sundae and one strawberry single-scoop?"

Me (yelling down the phone): "NO. A sundae with ONE SCOOP of strawberry ice cream instead of one of the vanillas."

S (to server): "No, a sundae with strawberry ice cream."

Server: "One cookie dough sundae with no cookie dough ice cream just strawberry ice cream?"

F: "A COOKIE DOUGH SUNDAE WITH ONE SCOOP OF VANILLA ICE CREAM AND ONE SCOOP OF STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM, SO HELP ME--"

S (to server): "Sorry, no, a cookie dough sundae with one scoop of vanilla and one scoop of strawberry."

Server: "Right, a cookie dough sundae with an extra scoop of vanilla and an extra scoop of strawberry"

Me: "I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS."