Saturday, 7 August 2010

Will the Real Livy please stand up

I have been ill.

Like properly, yuckingly ill.

On Wednesday night I felt a bit wrong, then by midnight I felt a lot wrong and by 3am I was throwing up. Muchos.

It was horrific, I was convinced I was dying and, throughout, the thing that upset me most wasn't the fact I was sure I was about to die.


It was the wedding. We've got it all booked and sorted, I mean, what a waste of money if I went and died.

So I did what any sensible girl would do and decided to find Steve a replacement fiancee he could marry next February instead.

This obviously was a big undertaking and I made my mind up straight away that it would need to be someone I knew and what would be more perfect than one of my bridesmaids?

I ran them all past Steve.

Me: OK, so there's Alex, my sister. Would that be weird?

Steve: This conversation is getting weird.

Me: Fine. Ummm.. Katie is so great and you too have loads in common, I mean, both your Grandmas are called Ivy!

Steve: Both are Grandmas are called Ivy because they are the same Grandma. We are cousins.

Me: That's legal!

Steve gives me a look of pure 'move on'

Me: OK, well Cadi's out as she is only 6.....

Back to my computer looking at photos of various friends...

Me: So that leaves Kazzie, Julia and Laura. Now Laura is so creative and fun and makes the best apple pancakes but she has been known to ask the waiter to pick her food and you get mad at me when I ask only your opinion, let alone the waiter..... Kazzie is the best and works in a publishing agency so would probably get you free books and she can belly dance, oh, but she works in London so it'd have to be long distance. Julia is great and the closest location wise, and neither of you like peas plus she would be a good mummy to our fish... but wait, a lot of her fish have died... maybe my fish babies wouldn't be safe.

I look up. Steve has gone.

Tired, I close my eyes and the next thing I know it is the next day and I feel better. I am not going to die!

I am relieved, not only that my impending death has been postponed but also because finding a replacement me turns out to be a bugger.

1 comment:

Mahj said...

Am currently gasping for air after reading this (through laughter as opposed to a lung issue or anything!).
This has thoroughly and utterly cheered me right up this morning. Thanks Livy. xx