Thursday, 20 January 2011

It is weird

A few years ago I read an article in a trashy magazine (a secret indulgence - honestly, perfect for making you feel better about yourself, eg. I feel stupid today.... but at least my husband didn't run off with my sister's son!), anyway, this article was about a woman who got antenatal depression. Yes, depression while pregnant.

Now, of course, I had heard of postnatal depression, but never antenatal.

Similarly, I have heard of the post wedding blues - which I have just named postmatrimonial depression. I mean, everyone I have spoken to got them a little bit; the fact it is all over, the fact you aren't planning for it any more etc...

Of course, being the crazy person that I am, it was only natural that I buck the trend.

Yes my loves, I have diagnosed myself with antematrimonial depression.

I am now at five weeks and two days to go and I am miserable.

Everything is busy and needs doing and while I usually thrive under pressure (indeed it is a pretty major part of my job), now I am floundering.

Part of it is the demand of it all and part of it is that I am anticipating the sadness to come.

I mean, I am planning on doing this once (take note Steve - no hoochies!), and in five weeks and two days, all that excitement of a proposal and an engagement and planning this brilliant, wonderful day will be gone.

And that is kind of sad.

I have enjoyed this time, this special, me and Steve time. And yes, I'll admit it, I have enjoyed the positive attention, the only time I have had this much thrust upon me was after the fire and that was just a hideous thing, not excited attention, just poor-you-how-awful-we-are-so-shocked-and-sad attention. Rubbish.

The up side is, of course, that I will be left with a (fingers crossed) amazing marriage, to a man I love and adore, and who loves and adores me back.

So that is what I am filling this sadness void with. That and wine. xxx


Slice of Pie said...

Don't be sad flower, be excited! We get a hot tub! x

Peridot said...

Awww, well maybe you'll just get it out of your system now. I find it impossible to (put on cheesy american accent) 'live in the moment' but perhaps that's the key? (If you'll pardon mention of keys!). But not so much that you stop planning of course!