Tonight, after tea, Steve and I settled down in the living room. I got on with some work, Steve watched the football. As a very naughty break from the, as yet unsuccessful, starvation diet, we had a buttery crumpet each (how dodgy does that sound, but seriously, my interest at this point is purely carb related). We finished them and both got on with our separate activities.
A little while later, Steve went out the room, returning with two more crumpets, how sweet, I think.
He sits down, smiles at me and eats both.
Me: How unfair
Me: I am so hungry
Me: After I made you one earlier
Me: Oi! Steve!
Me: Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!
Steve: (very indignant) What? I'm watching the footb...
He pauses to witness Carlos Tevez shoot from just outside the 18 yard box. He misses.
Steve: Tevez, you selfish fucker, you should have passed it. Greedy bastard.
Me: You can hardly talk can you, eating my crumpets.
Steve: Didn't I offer you one?
Me: (curtly) No.
Steve: Do you want one?
Steve: Well I got the last two so you'll have to wait until you buy some more.