Lost letters

because I am so ready for the final season!

Dear Black Smoke Monster That Judges People: You killed Mr. Eko but let Ben live? You are a lamey judge.

Dear Ben: Your dad should have drowned you when you were an infant.

Dear J.J. Abrams: I am warning you right now, if Ben turns out to be some sort of good guy a la Severus Snape, you and I are finished.

Dear Jin: I love you.

Dear Juliet: You totally got the shaft, literally and figuratively. It made me cry.

Dear Sun: You left your baby and went back to the island without even knowing if/how you'd ever get back to her? What the??

Dear Sawyer: I love you as well.

Dear Miles and Hurley: You guys are great together. Please never be parted.

Dear John Locke: I've never really liked you, even before you became some sort of evil incarnation of Jacob's mortal enemy. You are too full of yourself and you have man boobs.

Dear Jack: You have GOT to lay off the pills. You've turned into such a weirdy.

Dear Claire: Where the devil ARE you?

Dear Desmond: I like you enough to ignore your squinty gerbil eye.

Dear Daniel Faraday: Thank you for being the one smart character who is relatable, in that you didn't automatically know exactly how to handle a gun. You waltzed into the Others' camp waving it around like an idiot and were just asking to get shot in the back. This is exactly what most intellectual people I know would do in your situation.

Dear Daniel Faraday's mother: You shot your own son in the back, you beast. And I don't care how many good reasons you had for not letting him play the piano or date, I still want to punch you in the face.

Dear Jin: Seriously, I love you. Call me.

Dear Richard: Are you wearing eyeliner? Tell me the truth.

Dear Charles Widmore: I can see you being a valid Severus Snape character. You should have been nicer to Penny and Des, but at least you and I are in agreement about drowning Ben as an infant.

Dear Jacob: For a centuries-old, magic-wielding, omniscient sage, you suck at self-defense.


I could really use some "Lost" friends with whom to discuss theories and such - especially once the new season starts. Email me. Steve is useless.