Thursday, 24 June 2010

Just call me Livy the Smut

A few days ago, as I dusted the TV with one of Steve's dirty socks, it struck me that actually I am quite a skank on occasion.

I paused, thinking of all the ick filled activities I seem to regularly engage in and, in a bid to make myself feel better, decided that they are PERFECTLY NORMAL and NOT AT ALL DISGUSTING and that EVERYONE DOES THEM ALL THE TIME.

So, I'm being brave, here is my Scummy Skanky list:
  • When people are coming over I have been known to just pile all the gratuitous crap that clutters the flat into our bedroom and shut the door.
  • I often clean the bath while I am having a shower, yep, shampoo in hair, scrubber in hand.
  • I have on occasion pulled out a favourite top or cardigan from the washing basket and liberally febreezed it/sprayed it with perfume and then worn it.
  • Unless something is spilt on them, my jeans do not get dirty at all. Honestly.
  • I sometimes eat pesto straight out the tub with a spoon.
  • Likewise tzatziki.
  • Sometimes, on a Sunday, I just don't get dressed. I stay in my jammies and wear no makeup.
  • I have been known to finish off the Chinese takeaway from the night before at 7am the next morning.
  • I generally leave emptying the bin for as long as possible even if this means me pushing everything down really hard and forcing the lid shut.
  • If it is a really yummy food like cheese and I drop a bit on the floor while chopping it, I often pick it up and eat it....
  • If I wake up and can't be arsed to wash my hair and it looks a bit manky, I will just shove it back with a massive hair band thus covering the greasy bit.
  • I don't hoover under anything that actually has to be moved to reach it unless ultimately necessary.
  • I once used hair straighteners to de-crease my top as I couldn't be bothered to get the iron out.
  • And my most shameful.... once I bought a new microwave because I exploded a tomato sauce in my old one and didn't want to clean it.
Please tell me you do some of these? Please? I'm not the only one am I?

Oh and one that people have said is skanky but I maintain is actually genius: my lovely sister told me that she cuts her pizzas with scissors. And it works. It is absolutely amazing! I do it all the time now.

Big skanky love,

Livy-I'm-actually-a-lovely-clean-person-I-promise
xxx

12 comments:

Becca said...

Yes to all of the above!

The pizza scissors thing totally makes sense - although I'm a total Lakeland addict and would love to have a separate utensil for every conceivable process, my tiny kitchen and budget appreciate me being resourceful!

Also - chicken chow mein is just always better once it's been put in the fridge overnight and then reheated. Fact.

I have an additional one, and hairdressers must hate me, but I have been known to get my hair cut with post-gym hair. I have such fragile hair from excessive bleach use that I just don't like to wash it twice within 12 hours! Shameful, I know.

Please excuse the comment stalking; I just really love your blog and am delighted to have found you!

ladyfriend said...

LOL Livy! Am laughing at your list..I think I can lay claim to at least 7 of the same skanksville habits. However, I don't see them as skanky! Oh no, more "resourceful"...

And btw, cold pizza the next morning is pretty tasty I find (and cold potatoes, cold...any cooked food really...chilli? oh yes)

The piling up of gratuitous crap and chucking in the bedroom behind closed doors is standard behaviour isn't it? (please someone else tell us it is) Works brilliantly except when certain friends arrive for dinner with their 7yr old boy who quietly plays away with his computer game in a corner while we all chat and drink wine but then unfortunately needs to be put to sleep ON YOUR BED THAT IS COVERED WITH GRATUITIOUS CRAP. yes, this happened to me only last weekend. Cue lots of hastily shoved crap onto far side floor of bedroom, hoping that edge of bed would hide it (it didn't). Argh. x

Livy said...

Becca I love you commenting! Don't be silly, comment away!

So pleased that it is not just me who is skankcentral.

I also sometimes don't wash my hair pre hairdresser, they are going to wash it anyway - it seems very pointless!

And Ladyfriend I laughed outloud at your story! I know that panicky feeling when someone suggests going into my spare room (aka room of crap) and totally agree on the cold food, especially cold potatoes! x

Yvonne - Mad Hatter Bride said...

Yup, have just counted 8 of these as habits of mine, certain other ones don't count as I NEVER iron and bin duties are man duties!

I vowed never to let the spare room get 'that' way again after my friend exclaimed in a loud voice 'Oh my god Yvonne this room is a pigsty' and it took me two whole days to clear and clean. And yes, it's starting to slip back to 'that' way.

Scissors for Pizza is genius!! Why is this technique not more pupular than the finger threatening pizza cutter wheel of doom?

Dry shampoo is the way forward ladies... seriously. I think it was Fearne Cotton who said you can go for weeks without washing your hair. With that comment I think she deserves the honorary title of skank queen. We still have so much to learn.

Livy said...

Ladies, I can not stress enough -you have to have to try scissors for pizza - you will never brave the pizza wheel again, it is the most wonderfully easy thing! x

Peridot said...

I certainly use scissors for pizza and learnt to do so at Mama's knee (she's not actually Italian - it just sounded good).

Yes on the re-wearing stuff and I quite often dare not wash my jeans as it makes them really tight (it's the washing, not my own personal lardiness ahem).

I eat peanut butter straight from the jar but it doesn't taste nice otherwise. I might also dip things into neat Marmite (carrots, celery, fingers)...

HATE emptying the bin and am convinced that bf overfills to try and make me do it.

And really - WHO hoovers under anything? I mean, who has that sort of time? And why don't they just buy a TV?

Bf rips his toenails off and then uses them as dental floss. He denies this but I've seen it. And then he dumps them all in a pot in the living room - there are hundreds in there. It literally makes me want to vom. Actually I need to stop remembering this and concentrate on my pretty engagement ring or I'll run for the hills, screaming...

clairekneller said...

erm, this is all completely normal behaviour I thank you.

esp the dusting with dirty socks, I mean, they're going in the wash anyway right?

Helen said...

Oh I am so with you, especially regarding the socks and the shower cleaning. It's multi tasking, right? And that's what women do best.

Katie said...

The one that made me laugh right out loud was the straightening of your clothes! It just gave me such a mental picture. Is it wrong that I'm tempted to try it?! x

madhatterbride said...

Had a lovely M&S pizza this evening... boyfriend horrified that I wanted to use scissors - tried to explain about this post... got that look in his eye 'do I really want to marry this girl?' We had a tusstle to get to the pizza first but he couldn't find the wheel thingy hahaha. Turns out I'm equally as crap with scissors as the wheel of doom and now pizza cutting is another official man-duty (along with bins, hoovering and washing-up). x

Gaynor said...

Im still laughing about this post!

Doesnt everyone do the piling crap into the bedroom thing?

anna and the ring said...

It's like I've met my twin!