Monday, 14 June 2010

Stupid things I have done


*Put my phone down my bra to keep it safe in a meeting. Unfortunatley this was massivley given away when someone rang and it flashed through my white shirt...

*Once my lovely mum was trying to get me to drink those disgusting pro-biotic drinks. I steadfastly refused, they taste of evil and I was not convinced they are all that great for you. She pleaded with me, telling me to read the back of the bottle and see the benefits. I dutifully read and then exclaimed,

"Actually maybe I should drink them, they say beneficial if drunk regularly and I am drunk all the time."

*One evening, as we were leaving a restaurant I saw a familiar looking man in the foyer. I couldn't put my finger on where I knew him from, spurred on by the wine I had drunk with dinner, I asked him,

"Excuse me, I know you, do you drink in the Duke? Or did your daughter go to Hull High perhaps?"

The man looked at me, smiled and left. Perplexed I turned around to see a wide eyed Steve.

"Why were you talking to Steve McClaren?!"

"Steve McClaren?" I responded.

"Yes, the ex manager of England!"

*Kept the germ busting Flash cleaning wipes next the toilet and reached for them in a rush.

*Met Michael Flately at a posh work event and told him that I loved Lord of the Rings. Cue lots of confused looks.

*Dropped match in to (full) ashtray then realised said match was still alight. I then panicked that I would burn the pub down (yes, I know, it's fireproof  - its an ASHTRAY) but proceed to blow on the match to put it out. I was then covered in a fine coating of ash on my face and clothes.

*One evening, while Steve was enjoying a night out, there was a knock at the door. It was scary Mr Across the Hall (who used to open his door in his y-fronts..) saying that he had locked himself out. Trying to be a helpful neighbour, I offered to help him break in. Credit cards didn't work, coathangers and hair grips didn't work. As I have small arms, I attempted to put my arm through his letter box to undo the latch that way. I couldn't reach and started to retract my arm... only to find it was stuck. Properly stuck. By this point it was around midnight and my arm was beginning to swell. We had to wake three neighbours up to help remove me from said door.

Anyone top them?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was once hopping down the street on my new crutches after surgery. I'd been in hospital for a LOOOONG time on traction and it was one of my first outings into the real world. I hopped straight into a plate glass window, at speed, and slid down it much to the horror of many passers by. I was so embarrassed (I was a teenager, my natural state of being) that I hopped up immediately and hopped away pretending all was ok. It was not. I still dream of this moment!

I have made a career of embarrassing falls.

At university I gave a great presentation and then legged myself up in the cable of the overhead projector. My tutor ran onto the stage saying "oh my god, you went down like a felled tree". Elegant? Not really.

ladyfriend said...

I was once a trainee nurse (impressionable with it) and I did my best to avoid the messy jobs if I could ;-) One day, an older nurse asked me to help her lift a 15 stone woman from her bed on to the commode. Ah lovely, I went over to help, drew the curtains around the bed and we started to winch her off bed onto commode. As soon as I lifted her, I felt my suspender belt twang undone (oh yes, when I was young and "into" suspenders) and all I could do was wait for the agonising slide of stockings and suspender belt down my legs as I had my hands full with 2-ton Tess and trapped by her snail-like pace to the commode. Argh...truly agonising! And of course, I was standing right beside the curtain with its 2ft gap from curtain to floor...Man opposite (oh yes, did I mention it was a mixed ward?) pipes up in loud voice, "OH LOOK, THAT YOUNG NURSE HAS LOST HER KNICKERS!!" Cue manic laughter of ward and mortification of this 19yr old trainee nurse and a quick scuttle back to the nurse's station, clutching suzzie belt et al. I still cringe at the memory!

Gaynor said...

Ha ha, still laughing at the phone down the bra & the beneficial if drunk all the time!